my synopsis and summary

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Kor
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my synopsis and summary

Post by Kor »

finally, my book is edited and it's finally time to look for an agent. Just before that, I wanted to know what you think of my summary and synopsis (comments will be appriciated). it's a short read so I hope you don't mind. (note though that this is not professionally, so please bear with the possible grammar mistakes and bad choice of words

(a little disclaimer first: a certain concept which is present in Gosho's work, is also in mine, however it is NOT a ripoff from Gosho, since I started to plan the plot way before I started to watch DC. I think the first time I was introduced to that certain concept was in an episode from the Power Rangers.)

first of all, a really really really really brief and short summary of the book for the query letter:

    After returning from his last job, Mardock, the most famous Demon-Slayer in Nardalach, gets attacked by a young girl called Sapphire, a demon from the strongest race of the demon world, the Daemon race. After a short fight, Mardock gets the upper hand, but instead of slaying the demon, he pities her and uses a special seal, which not only strips Sapphire from her demonic abilities, but also turns her into a child and gives her human-like emotions.
    Now unable to get back to the demon world in her present state, Sapphire is forced to go with the Demon-Slayer and live with him and his two apprentices, Rye and Iris, at least until Mardock decides to release her from the seal or someone comes to look for her.
    While living in the world of humans and accompanying the Demon-Slayer in their adventures, Sapphire slowly learns that having emotions and living like a human isn't all that bad.
    However, things get dangerous when a mysterious man, called Xor*, sets his plan in motion which Sapphire plays a heavy role in, and it's up on the Demon-Slayers to stop him

*Xor is pronounced as Zor (like Xena.....or any other word that starts with X in english....I think). I was told by someone that the name Zor simply resembles "Zorro" so I should change it.

now for my worst nightmere - the synopsis. I think the reason why every author hates to write it so much is because so much is left out and it's dull, it doesn't have the true depth of the story, and it's impossible to write it without countless of plot-holes.
So anyway, here it is.
Spoiler:
After  returning  from  his  last  job,  Mardock,  A  Demon-Slayer  who  became  famous  in  Nardalach  after  slaying  an  army  of  one  hundred  demons  all by  himself,  gets  attacked  by  a  beautiful  and  young  girl  called  Sapphire,  a  demon from  the  strongest  race  of  the  demon  world,  the  Daemon  race  â€“  a  race of demons  that  greatly  resemble  to  humans.  Sapphire  wants  to  kill  Mardock  for glory  and  to  be  known  as  the  most  powerful  demon  in  the  demon  world,  however  due  to  her  arrogance,  Mardock  succeeds  to  paralyze  her  and  put  her at  his  mercy,  but  Instead  of  killing  her,  Mardock  pities  her  and  decides  to  seal her  powers  with  a  special  seal.  The  seal  does  not  only  take  away  Sapphire's  powers,  but  also turns  her  into  a  child  and  gives  her  emotions.
         
Now  in  the  state  of  a  powerless  child,  Sapphire  can't  return  to the  demon world  and  since  she  wants  Mardock  to release  her  from  the  seal,  she  follows him  to  his  house  and  he  promises  her  that  if  she  learns  to  behave,  he  might unseal  her  powers.  At  the  Demon-Slayer's  house,  Sapphire  meets  his  two  young apprentices:  The  kindhearted  Rye,  who  has  magical powers  and  Sapphire befriends  with  him  rather  quickly;  and  Iris,  who  at  first  bullies  Sapphire  and resents  her  greatly  because  of  her  being  a  demon,  but  later,  Iris  realizes  that  her  behavior  was  no  different  from  that  of  a  demon  and  she  becomes  nicer  towards  Sapphire,  and  slowly,  the  two  become  good  friends.
         
Sapphire  is  really  upset  and  depressed  about  losing  her  powers  and  being turned  into  a  little  girl.  Much  to  her  annoyance,  the  Demon-Slayers  also  treat her  like  a  child,  though  without  her  notice,  she  does  act  rather  childishly.
         
A  mysterious  masked  man,  named  Xor,  appears  and  he's  interested  in Sapphire.  He  demands  to  have  her,  and  after  Rye  immediately  refuses,  the  two engage  into  battle.  Rye  barely  succeeds  to  hold  his  own  against  his  opponent, and  is  saved  when  Iris  and  Mardock  come  to  his  aid.  Xor  flees  from  the battle,  knowing  he  can't  defeat  the  three  Demon-Slayers  together.
         
As  time  passes,  Sapphire  gets  used  to  being  a  child  and  starts  to  enjoy her  new  life  in  the  human  world,  and  when  her  servant  from  the  demon  world, Laila,  comes  to  take  her  back,  Sapphire  says  that  she  wants  to  stay  in  the  human  world  for  a  little  longer.
         
The  joy  however  ends when  Xor  returns  with  a  group  of  half-demons, hybrids  of  humans  and  demons,  and  attack  the  Demon-Slayers.  Rye  especially has  difficulty  fighting  the  half-demons  because  he  doesn't  want  to  kill  those with  human  blood  due  to  his  belief  that  whoever  is  human,  or  even  partly human,  can  be  a  good  person.  The  Demon-Slayers  succeed  to  defeat  the  half-demons,  but  Xor  manages  to  wound  Mardock  fatally,  and  the  elder  Demon-Slayer  dies  without  releasing  Sapphire  from  the  seal.
         
With  Mardock's  death,  Sapphire  becomes  depressed  again,  because  now she  has  no  way  to  become  an  adult,  and  since  demons  can't  grow  up  in  the human  world,  if  she  ever  wants  to  grow  up,  she  has  to  go  back  to  the  demon world,  but  she  became  so  close  to  Rye  and  Iris  and  doesn't  want  to  leave them.  Then  she  realizes  that  she  endangers  the  Demon-Slayers  by  staying  with them,  and  decides,  for  Rye's  and  Iris's  sake,  to  go  back  home. While  Iris  and Rye  mourn  about  their  dead  master,  their  relationship  develops,  and  the  two finally  find  the  courage  to  confess  to  each  other  about  their  feelings  for  each other.
       
While  Sapphire  waits  for  Laila  to  come  to  pick  her  up,  and  bids  farewell to  the  Demon-Slayers,  Xor's  minions  attack  again.  Without  Mardock,  Rye  and Iris  can  barely  handle  their  enemies. The  hybrids  succeed  to  overwhelm the  Demon-Slayers  and  kidnap  Sapphire,  and  Rye  blames  himself  for  what happened.
         
The  Demon-Slayers  immediately  set  to  rescue Sapphire,  but  just  as  they  are  about  to  leave,  a  horde  of  half-demons  attack  the  village,  and  the  Demon-Slayers  are  forced  to  stay  and  defend  it  from  the hybrids.  The  true  intention  behind  the  attack  is  to  delay  the  Demon-Slayers from  getting  to  Sapphire  so  Xor's  plan  can  be  fulfilled.  At  his  hideout,  Xor  offers  Sapphire  to  give  her  back  her  powers  in  exchange  for  helping  him  in his  goals,  but  Sapphire  declines  his  offer,  however  after  Xor  feeds  the  naïve  Daemon  with  lies  and illusions,  and  makes  her  think  that  Rye  and  Iris  don't  really  care  for  her,  Sapphire  agrees  to Xor's  deal.  Unknown  to  her,  Xor  also  intends  to  control  her and use her in order to destroy the human world.
         
After  Reinforcements  arrive  to  help  at  the  village,  Rye  and  Iris  go  to  Xor's whereabouts  and  fight  through  his  remaining  pawns,  but  just  when  they  arrive, Xor  succeeds,  via  magic,  to  return  Sapphire  back  into  an  adult  along  with  her  powerful  demonic  abilities,  however  to  his  dismay,  he  can't  dominate  her,  and Sapphire  attacks  Xor  and  defeats  him  easily.  Then  Sapphire,  still  influenced  by  Xor's  lies,  attacks  Rye  and  Iris  with  hatred,  but  the  two  don't  fight  back  and try  to  talk  to  her  and  make  her  realize  that  they  care  about  her.  At  first, Sapphire  doesn't  listen,  but  after  awhile,  she  realizes  that  she  doesn't  hate  Rye and  Iris,  and  she  doesn't  want  to  kill  them.  Sapphire  apologizes  and  the Demon-Slayers  immediately  forgive  her.  Even  though  she's  now  an  adult  again, she  feels  unhappy,  and  realizes  that  when  she  was  a  child,  she  was  happy,  so she  decides  to  turn  back  into  a  child  and  live  with  Rye  and  Iris  who  care  for her,  knowing  that  she  will  find  much  more  joy  in  the  human  world  than  in  the  demon  world.


any thoughts?
Last edited by Kor on June 1st, 2010, 12:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Akonyl
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Re: my synopsis and summary

Post by Akonyl »

well, I won't comment on the overall plot as I don't know how complicated it actually is, but anyway:
1) I'm not sure you need to explain that half-demons are human/demon hybrids.
b) Does Xor have some greater purpose to his plan, or does he just think that having a demon sidekick would be awesome? Sapphire a powerful enough demon to like, take over kingdoms or something?
#) If demons are so evil (as all the main characters being demon hunters implies), where did all of the half-demons come from? Honestly I thought that Xor was kidnapping her for use in some sort of magical bio-engineering scheme to make an army or something.
Kor
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Re: my synopsis and summary

Post by Kor »

Akonyl wrote: b) Does Xor have some greater purpose to his plan, or does he just think that having a demon sidekick would be awesome? Sapphire a powerful enough demon to like, take over kingdoms or something?
you're right. I added Xor's goal.
Akonyl wrote: #) If demons are so evil (as all the main characters being demon hunters implies), where did all of the half-demons come from? Honestly I thought that Xor was kidnapping her for use in some sort of magical bio-engineering scheme to make an army or something.
I'm not quite sure I understood. If you're asking how there are so many breeds of demons and humans, then this could be a bit problematic to explain in a synopsis. One of the reason is that some demon races do have emotions so some demons happen that some fall in love and [insert facts of life blabla]. The other reason is......well.....I'm not sure anyone who reads this synopsis would want to see "demons are raping humans"
tbh I nerfed quite a lot of information about the half-demons which I thought was a bit too specific. Such as that Half-demons' lives are tough and unfair and they don't have any rights. Xor tells them that he can change their status and give them equality to humans, and manipulates them to help him in his plans.
It's connected to the plot, but it doesn't develop it and only gives more insight on Xor and the half-demons.
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kkslider5552000
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Re: my synopsis and summary

Post by kkslider5552000 »

Kor wrote: I'm not sure anyone who reads this synopsis would want to see "demons are raping humans"
I would! :DDDD
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