NEED CRITICS for my NOVEL

[Laurell]

I'm now currently encoding my masterpiece and sooner or later, I will be able to post an episode. By that time, I will be expecting for the comments of the people who are interested. For the mean time, let me post some fillers in this thread.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

My name is Rheinlander, 16 years of age. I use the name "Laurell Weinder" in this forum. I'm from the Philippines and I'm currently taking up Bachelor of Arts in Communication.

I started writing stories when I'm still in elementary. I've been inspired by DC during that time so I wrote mystery stories before. Until now, I'm still writing stories, particularly the detective/mystery genre.

For the following days to come, I'll be busy studying my lessons while I'm putting my effort in the novel that you are about to read.

Synopsis

Year 2019, the year when time traveling is proven, Philippines is finally a developed country with no debts in other nations, thanks to the support from an organization known as the "Paradigmatic Ordinal." Everything was peaceful and prosperous at that time. Until one day, something terrible happened. The head of the Ordinal, known as the First, was found dead and the power was given to the man known as the Seventh. That marked the end of the peaceful days. The Seventh grabbed the power from the government and proclaimed himself as the new president of the Republic. The country fell into chaos. Everything is hopeless until the superiors of the Ordinal, who opposes the way of the Seventh, sent an agent to the past in order to change the future.

The agent named Erald successfully arrived to the past where he met two students who will later help him on his quest. As soon as he told them about the gruesome future that awaits them, he decided to enroll at Joseph C. Felicia University, one of the elite universities in the country, where the Ordinal was founded. Unfortunately, he found no clues about the Ordinal until he stumbled upon a case that might lead him to what he is looking for. Days after, he decided to form a Detective Club to solve cases happening around the campus and to track down the Ordinal, which has been behind the curtains in some incidents. He also met other students with deductive capabilities and together, they solve cases.

The time finally came when a man who called himself as the First, but the group's name is not that of the Ordinal, sent a challenge notice to the Detective Club. The First aims to test the deductive capabilities of Erald and the others through playing a real-life Mafia game. Little does the Detective Club know that the First's pieces have been already set even before the notice was given.

In the future, the Seventh has learned the escape of Erald and has dispatched his elite squad known as the Seven Cardinals to annihilate Erald, thus preventing any changes from the past to occur in the future. Erald's and the others' lives were put in danger through assassination attempts. Once the real threat arrives, will Erald still be able to do what he's supposed to?

That is the synopsis of the story, I guess. I know that there are still plausible points here. So feel free to ask.

[kkslider5552000]

to one of my masterpiece.

that's not a good sign

[Laurell]

to one of my masterpiece.

that's not a good sign

Why?

[caribou]

as long as it's a detective/mystery novel I don't mind reading it

[Kogorou]

You can count on me because I know how hard it is to find someone to review your work.

[Kleene Onigiri]

to one of my masterpiece.

that's not a good sign

Why?

Probably because if it's your masterpiece already, then you can't improve? Dunno if that's what he meant

[sstimson]

Warning. Look at my other reviews then say if you still want my input. Normally can tell what I think after just one chapter

[Heiji-lover7]

to one of my masterpiece.

that's not a good sign

Why?

Probably because if it's your masterpiece already, then you can't improve? Dunno if that's what he meant

Because that was bad grammer.

[Akonyl]

to one of my masterpiece.

that's not a good sign

Why?

Probably because if it's your masterpiece already, then you can't improve? Dunno if that's what he meant

Because that was bad grammer.

yep, forgot the S on the end.

But anyway, you should review Kor's book and have him review yours, you can have a critique swap. :O

[Kor]

I can read it, but I'm not so great with mystery novels and I don't think I'll be able to judge them in a good way.

[ziraulo]

I'm curious...show me what you've got!  8)

I don't think calling it a masterpiece is a bad sign. After all, it's pretty subjective. To me, calling a certain work a masterpiece just means it's your best one so far.

Soooo.....where is it?  I wanna seeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

[Kor]

I don't think calling it a masterpiece is a bad sign. After all, it's pretty subjective. To me, calling a certain work a masterpiece just means it's your best one so far.

It's funny how everyone interpret what Slider said in a different meaning. I too thought he meant to what you implied on, but knowing Slider from most of his other posts in criticizing people's grammar, he probably meant to what Akonyl said.

[sstimson]

to one of my masterpiece.

that's not a good sign

Why?

Probably because if it's your masterpiece already, then you can't improve? Dunno if that's what he meant

Because that was bad grammer.

yep, forgot the S on the end.

But anyway, you should review Kor's book and have him review yours, you can have a critique swap. :O

Let me enter my critic mode. That is one possible answer. The rule you are breaking is about number, You need to keep it all singular or plural, not mix case

Your statement

After I encode the summary, I hope there will be some people out there who are willing to give their comments (either positive or negative) to one of my masterpiece.

should be

After I encode the summary, I hope there will be a few people out there who are willing to leave a few comments (either positive or negative) about my masterpiece.

The phase "one of" suggest more then one and removing it fixes the sentences
Few to me reads better then some.
And 'leave a few comments' again to me reads better then 'give their comments'.

Plural:

After I encode the summary, I hope there will be a few people out there who are willing to leave a few comments (either positive or negative) to one of my many masterpieces.

[Kleene Onigiri]

I don't think calling it a masterpiece is a bad sign. After all, it's pretty subjective. To me, calling a certain work a masterpiece just means it's your best one so far.

It's funny how everyone interpret what Slider said in a different meaning. I too thought he meant to what you implied on, but knowing Slider from most of his other posts in criticizing people's grammar, he probably meant to what Akonyl said.

This proves it. No one understands slider. And since no one understands women either then that means that slider is a woman

[CTU]

Well my school semester ends soon so I'll have 8 weeks so I would like to read your novel and give you my opinion