Laurell wrote:
Synopsis
Year 2019, the year when time traveling is proven, Philippines is finally a developed country with no debts in other nations, thanks to the support from an organization known as the "Paradigmatic Ordinal." Everything was peaceful and prosperous at that time. Until one day, something terrible happened. The head of the Ordinal, known as the First, was found dead and the power was given to the man known as the Seventh. That marked the end of the peaceful days. The Seventh grabbed the power from the government and proclaimed himself as the new president of the Republic. The country fell into chaos. Everything is hopeless until the superiors of the Ordinal, who opposes the way of the Seventh, sent an agent to the past in order to change the future.
Maybe it's because it's a sort summary. But I think you should say why the agent was send to the past. What I mean is that the seventh became the president. But you didn't say anything about other methods used before that. Like trying to make a revolution or killing the seventh.
"The seventh became president -> "oh crap" -> need to send agent to the past" sounds unlogical. Instead you should make it more like: "Seventh became president -> people tried to stop him -> seventh is to powerful -> last resort is sending a agent to the past" sounds more reasonable.
And in a mystery logic/reason is a big and important aspect. So imo, even such "trivial" things need to be pointed out/done logically.
The agent named Erald successfully arrived to the past where he met two students who will later help him on his quest. As soon as he told them about the gruesome future that awaits them, he decided to enroll at Joseph C. Felicia University, one of the elite universities in the country, where the Ordinal was founded. Unfortunately, he found no clues about the Ordinal until he stumbled upon a case that might lead him to what he is looking for. Days after, he decided to form a Detective Club to solve cases happening around the campus and to track down the Ordinal, which has been behind the curtains in some incidents. He also met other students with deductive capabilities and together, they solve cases.
I find that main characters name a bit strange XD but that's my personal opinion.
If I remember correctly, you wanted to make it a bit similar to APTX. Since Erald is time traveling, will he become younger too? Or does he look young enough with 29 or older to be able to become a student? (tho I guess he should look young enough)
Noting else to add to that part. Since it doesn't have much info either.
The time finally came when a man who called himself as the First, but the group's name is not that of the Ordinal, sent a challenge notice to the Detective Club. The First aims to test the deductive capabilities of Erald and the others through playing a real-life Mafia game. Little does the Detective Club know that the First's pieces have been already set even before the notice was given.
In the future, the Seventh has learned the escape of Erald and has dispatched his elite squad known as the Seven Cardinals to annihilate Erald, thus preventing any changes from the past to occur in the future. Erald's and the others' lives were put in danger through assassination attempts. Once the real threat arrives, will Erald still be able to do what he's supposed to?
What's Erald supposed to do? Kill the seventh? Warn the first? Try not to kill the seventh but hindering him to get the power? Changing the system of the ordinal so that the seventh can't get the power?
