NEED CRITICS for my NOVEL

[Laurell]

About the missing "s" in the masterpiece, my mistake.  That is what critics are for, right? Soon, I'll be able to post it here. But I'll only post the summary and I'll see what you think about it.

@Kor - You're a writer also? Well, may I read your work?

[Laurell]

I'm curious...show me what you've got!  8)

I don't think calling it a masterpiece is a bad sign. After all, it's pretty subjective. To me, calling a certain work a masterpiece just means it's your best one so far.

Soooo.....where is it?  I wanna seeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Wow. You're a Filipino, right? BTW, the problem with the "masterpiece" is that it's missing its "s".

"one of my masterpiece"
Correct: "one of my masterpieces"

Don't worry. I'll post it in the near future.

[Laurell]

To those who are asking for it, I guess I should tell you a glimpse of it so that you'll have a clue on what you're about to read.

Genre: Detective/Mystery, a bit Sci-Fi, Romance, Adventure

PROLOGUE:

The year is 2019, set in the future Republic of the Philippines which is no longer a third world country due to the support of the  organization called as the "Paradigmatic Ordinal". Time traveling is possible, thanks to the efforts of scientists in the org. However, the organization changed its ways after something happened. To change everything, an agent was sent to the past to change the future. That ends the first sci-fi conflict.

Lots of cases are about to happen next. So once I posted my work, it's time for you the judge it. 

[Akonyl]

Time travel with mysteries, eh?

That cannot end well for the readers' brains.

[CTU]

Time travel with mysteries, eh?

That cannot end well for the readers' brains.

I agree

ps: IMO setting it in 2019 is just to soon...maybe 2039

[Kor]

The year is 2019,

is there peace in the middle east yet?

@Kor - You're a writer also? Well, may I read your work?

I don't mind, but it's fantasy gener.

[ziraulo]

Yep, I'm Filipino! Nga pala, who's president in there?

The time travel thing is okay with me, although I do agree with Ctu that it's set too soon.

[Laurell]

Time travel with mysteries, eh?

That cannot end well for the readers' brains.

I agree

ps: IMO setting it in 2019 is just to soon...maybe 2039

First of all, I hope that time traveling would be possible so that mistakes of the mankind can be undone or avoided, just like what the story wanted to express.

About the year, the reason why I set the date at that year is because it will be the most convenient date. Why 2019 to 2009? Because the organization was formed when the members were still in high school, though it's still a small group by that time. So, if the members of the org are 16 during 2009, they will be 26 in 2019. The past of 2009 is linked to the future 2019, not saying that this story is partially based on my experiences in school.

And I know that the time traveling thing would be a problem in connecting with mysteries. I'm having a problem with the explanation of this matter. However, it's only on the prologue of the story. The story proper is really in 2009. The ending might be set in the future. Hmm... To make things easier to understand, just think of time traveling as the APTX of DC.

P.S. Don't worry. I won't be writing any complex theories about time. It's just the trigger for the story to start.

[Laurell]

Yep, I'm Filipino! Nga pala, who's president in there?

The time travel thing is okay with me, although I do agree with Ctu that it's set too soon.

The president is GMA again? Haha. I guess I won't be emphasizing on that since that's only the Prologue. But there will be a new President, the one who created the ruckus in the story that forced some people to send an agent to the past. I'll be posting the summary soon so that some doubts will be clarified. (I hope.  )

P.S. I want to promote our country through this story. However, the medium I used is English and some of our time-tested values won't be included. Is there an English for "po" and "opo?"

[ziraulo]

Ah...basta sana wag mo na balik yung buset...

Unfortunately, I don't think there's an English equivalent for "po" and "opo". The best thing you could do is to have the characters talk in a more formal way when talking to superiors, older people, etc.

[Kleene Onigiri]

First of all, I hope that time traveling would be possible so that mistakes of the mankind can be undone or avoided, just like what the story wanted to express.

Personally I don't like that idea. Because every time mankind tries to fix a mistake, it usually turns into more problems or a bigger problem D:

[kkslider5552000]

It's funny how everyone interpret what Slider said in a different meaning.

I guess I'm like Evangelion then.

Except not emo and painful to watch.

[sstimson]

About the missing "s" in the masterpiece, my mistake.  That is what critics are for, right? Soon, I'll be able to post it here. But I'll only post the summary and I'll see what you think about it.

@Kor - You're a writer also? Well, may I read your work?

to one of my masterpiece.

that's not a good sign

Why?

Probably because if it's your masterpiece already, then you can't improve? Dunno if that's what he meant

Because that was bad grammer.

yep, forgot the S on the end.

But anyway, you should review Kor's book and have him review yours, you can have a critique swap. :O

Let me enter my critic mode. That is one possible answer. The rule you are breaking is about number, You need to keep it all singular or plural, not mix case

Your statement

After I encode the summary, I hope there will be some people out there who are willing to give their comments (either positive or negative) to one of my masterpiece.

should be

After I encode the summary, I hope there will be a few people out there who are willing to leave a few comments (either positive or negative) about my masterpiece.

The phase "one of" suggest more then one and removing it fixes the sentences
Few to me reads better then some.
And 'leave a few comments' again to me reads better then 'give their comments'.

Plural:

After I encode the summary, I hope there will be a few people out there who are willing to leave a few comments (either positive or negative) to one of my many masterpieces.

First of all, I hope that time traveling would be possible so that mistakes of the mankind can be undone or avoided, just like what the story wanted to express.

Personally I don't like that idea. Because every time mankind tries to fix a mistake, it usually turns into more problems or a bigger problem D:

There is a problem about is called cause / effect

You go back in time to fix a problem and you succeed. So The problem you went back to fix never happened.


But if that is the cases why did you go back in time to fix a problem that never happened. And how would you know you need to go back to fix the problem that never happened if it never happened.

You have created a time Paradox

[Akonyl]

And I know that the time traveling thing would be a problem in connecting with mysteries. I'm having a problem with the explanation of this matter. However, it's only on the prologue of the story. The story proper is really in 2009. The ending might be set in the future. Hmm... To make things easier to understand, just think of time traveling as the APTX of DC.

My problem with the time travel thing wasn't how to tie it in to the mystery, it's how to avoid the question of "why didn't they just go back in time after solving the mystery and stopping the crime from happening?"

Which, if you're just using it as a plot element like APTX is in Conan and not an integral part of the mystery, shouldn't be a problem.

First of all, I hope that time traveling would be possible so that mistakes of the mankind can be undone or avoided, just like what the story wanted to express.

Personally I don't like that idea. Because every time mankind tries to fix a mistake, it usually turns into more problems or a bigger problem D:

not *everything* in life is like Escaflowne.
Also, you said "usually", so maybe this can just be a story about one of those exceptions.

First of all, I hope that time traveling would be possible so that mistakes of the mankind can be undone or avoided, just like what the story wanted to express.

Personally I don't like that idea. Because every time mankind tries to fix a mistake, it usually turns into more problems or a bigger problem D:

There is a problem about is called cause / effect

You go back in time to fix a problem and you succeed. So The problem you went back to fix never happened.


But if that is the cases why did you go back in time to fix a problem that never happened. And how would you know you need to go back to fix the problem that never happened if it never happened.

You have created a time Paradox

a) I dunno why you quoted yourself in here unless it was to reiterate your previous post, in which case I don't know why you're arguing against the person who said it in the first place

b) While grandfather paradoxes may exist in time travel, you can easily explain them away by either using multiple timelines, or saying "your current understanding of time is wrong, and the way things happen, grandfather paradoxes aren't a problem". Yes, the second one defies logic but that isn't very uncommon in sci-fi and fantasy works.

[Kor]

There is a problem about is called cause / effect

You go back in time to fix a problem and you succeed. So The problem you went back to fix never happened.


But if that is the cases why did you go back in time to fix a problem that never happened. And how would you know you need to go back to fix the problem that never happened if it never happened.

You have created a time Paradox

In fiction, usually this paradox is ignored.

b) While grandfather paradoxes may exist in time travel, you can easily explain them away by either using multiple timelines,

If I recall correctly, this was how it worked in DBZ. Trunks could only change the "present" timeline, but his actions in the present, couldn't change his timeline (the future).

In Sailor Moon (the anime) however, many things should probably have changed in the future, but only at the start of Sailor Stars Chibiusa was about to disappear. I believe though that it had the concept of "Time can fix itself and not effect heavilly on the future" so only real drastic events (like somebody dying) would change the future.

Both seem like good options to me, aside from the flaws. Option one can become complicated and option two is a very easy way to go and it also says that the universe goes in a specific road, and if something happens, the universe will somehow fix it in order to not slide from the certain road.