Quotes

[Found]

Put in here posts of wit and humor. Or if you want, just quotes from anywhere: books, episodes, Conan, etc. etc.

This thread idea just hit my head when I saw The Quote Thread. xD

[bluekaitou1412]

A couple of _quotes that I remember/liked/recently heard.

Mothers knows best for you. Always. Most of the time. Sometimes.

Kamikorosu. (I'll bite you to death.)

[she] gave me a puzzled frown like she thought offhand i was dead but the media's so unreliable these days.

Die, Reborn!

Hold on. So in my mind, this jacked-up, sideways ridiculousness is the normal state?

We stand in awe of that which cannot be seen, and we respect with every fiber that which cannot be explained.

Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent.

I'll take a potato chip … and eat it!

Sakujo, Sakujo, Sakujo...

Why are you staring at me? Are you annoyed that I am the only one who has cake?

Don't Say We Didn't Warn You.

I do exchange secrets for new pictures of Red Pandas.

What a cute kitten! Can we keep it please?

The early bird catches the worms.

We don't need worms for breakfast. So don't wake up early. Leave it to the birds.

Books? Who needs them? We have the Internet, folks.

Avada Kedavra!

[hakkaino7]

Since he posted something with Voldemort. I quickly remembered an entry on Bash.org

This is somewhat suggestive. But still safe though...and really, really funny 

Spoiler:

Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
Let's see the results...

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

Ok
I have found, definitive proof
that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
O_______O
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

[Yardbird]

Hmm...

I'm not a complete useless person, at least i can be used as a bad example [Unknow]

The curiosity killed the cat, but it got nine lives [Well, it's mine =-P]

If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister you are better than i [Yardbirds/Aerosmith]

Girls are like monkeys, they don't drop a branch without another one on the other hand [From a movie]

From all the things i miss from the time i was addicted, it's my brain i miss the most [Steven Tyler]

[shirokitsune]

my favourite quotes:

"Fiction is a lie. Good fiction is the truth inside the lie." - Stephen King

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." - Gandhi

"Take off all your clothes and walk down the street waving a machete and firing an Uzi, and terrified citizens will phone the police and report: "There's a naked person outside!" "- Mike Nichols

"When we talk to God it's called praying, when God talks to us it's called Schizophrenia. " -Dunno who originally said this.

[hakkaino7]

Love that last one 

[sexysmirk]

"You know it's a bad day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better." - unknown

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." - Sir Winston Churchill

[Michael and Fiona are in their car being chased by cops.]
Michael: Do you have guns in the trunk, Fi?!
Fiona: A few semi-automatics, yeah. I got a deal, Michael. This guy was selling Browning 9mms for 200 bucks a piece.
Michael: You have unregistered weapons in a stolen car, Fi!
Fiona: You have always had a problem with my work. I have always supported you.
Michael: I'm helping people; you're running guns! Big difference!
(Burn Notice)

[Callid]

"No sports."
- Churchill's answer to the question why he reached such a high age.

"Wenn es im Universum noch irgendwo intelligente Lebewesen gibt, dann kennen sie vielleicht Schach, höchstwahrscheinlich jedoch Go."
(If there's life somewhere else in the universe, they might know chess, but they will most likely know go.)
- Emanuel Lasker, 2nd official World Chess Champion

[Obscure]

Quote thread 

"Get mad  , then get over it  8) " - Colin Powell

"I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known." - Walt Disney

"More Important than the future, is the present" - Ouran Highschool Host Club translated line of the opening

[ccppfan]

Ahahaha.

Woman: IF I WERE YOUR WIFE I WOULD'VE PUT DRUGS IN YOUR COFFEE! *obviously pissed*
Churchill: If I were your husband, I would have drunk that coffe in one gulp.

YES. GO CHURCHILL.

[karisama]

I would put every single dialogue from Honey and Clover if I weren't so lazy.

Since the Voldemort quote inspired me,
"I'd like to say a few words to you all, and here they are: Nitwit! Oddment! Blubber! Tweak!"

you can probably guess who said that.

[Found]

Teen literature!!!

I forgot exactly what he said, but Artemis [Fowl] said something like: "If I am wrong, then I am an idiot. If I am right, then I am a genius. It's the way history is written."

Julius Root: "We're being led by an idiot with a crayon!"

Holly Short: *major spoilers for The Time Paradox, don't you open it if you haven't read*

Spoiler:

Direct copy from the book:
"Artemis, I... oh gods."
"It's okay. I don't have the lemur... well, actually I do. The other me, but don't worry, I know where I'm going."
Holly dragged at her cheeks with delicate fingers. "I mean, Oh gods, I think I kissed you."
// ARTEMIS IS SO NICE IN THE LATE BOOKS. >w<

There are many more things to quote from Artemis, and even MORE from Lemony Snicket (just look at Horseradish ). I'll try to get some next time~

"If the wonder's gone when the truth is known, then there was never any wonder to begin with." -- House MD

[Found]

I can't decide which is riskier, taking crazy risks or taking advice on crazy risks from a crazed risk-taker. -- House

[ashtonturner0070]

Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity. (Khalil Gibran)

[kema86]

In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. -Abraham Lincoln
Source: https://quotessearchengine.com/