I know that some characters are sort of copies- that's intended. Some characters are literally INTENDED to replace other ones. PLEASE do not comment on that- I KNOW they're copies. It's on purpose. XD
It's called "Ayumi Yoshida: Detective of the South" and it's actually my most popular story for DC on FF.Net. :o (But I think the favorite thing about it among anybody who's reviewed it is the scene-transition used in future chapters! XD)
The story consists of cases and character development in nearly EVERY chapter.
Please give me feedback on this story- considering I haven't gotten many skeptics to review it yet.... (I want to get better! If you can help TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO! XD)
Here's the first chapter:
Spoiler:
She dared what lied ahead to face her, and she laughed in the face of death. There were times where she died to live, and lived to die. Her selflessness overwhelmed her selfishness, and she had started her life over from scratch, heart at hand. She was broken, but she was something; she knew that much. She was no longer the seven-year-old Detective Boy, no. Instead, she was the great Detective of the South!
Or, that was her new-found dream anyway...
"Yoshida-san! WATCH OUT! SOCCER BALL COMIN' YOUR WAY!"
Jumping up high, a slender teenage girl slammed her ankle hard into the mixed-matched ball, kicking it directly into the goal...and breaking it.
And when I say it, I mean both the soccer ball AND goal.
"Woo hoo! New record!" The same goalie called out. There were whistles coming from all around as she landed gracefully and perfectly onto the warm dirt beneath her. The young girl stood up and smiled towards the millions of people clapping and cheering for her. Turning to the soccer team, she said: "Sorry for the goal net...and the ball. I'll pay for the replacements." She bowed sweetly and smiled gently, not realizing she was only succeding in seducing them. A chours of "No problem's" and "Don't even worry about it's" came from the teenage boys as they silently skimmed over her model-like body. Nodding, she continued her walk. The people cleared the entire path to the school for her, cheering and whistling the entire time. It was like she was some type of wonderful princess or queen and her subjects couldn't get enough of her!
The thought made her smile as she walked elegently down the dirt road ahead of her. "Ayumi-chan!" Looking up, she smiled when she saw both a boy and a girl. "Kyo, Maria! Hey!" The two greeted her as well as the trio walked into the school. It was conciderably quiter than outside had been, since everybody inside knew that loud noise-making this early in the morning would over-anger the already untolerating school principal. Maria, who resembled Sonoko an awful lot, Ayumi noticed, sighed as she un-laced her shoes. "I can't believe how long we've had this detective club going on and we still haven't had one case!" Kyo sighed. "Oh just drop it, Maria. We'll get a case when we get a case. It's not a race."
"That rhymed!" Ayumi giggled, slipping her shoe off. Maria scoffed and turned away. "I know I know I just...I really want to get our name out there!" Ayumi sighed. That was Maria, always worrying about her popularity and her friend's social status. To be honest, Ayumi didn't really care whether they got a case or not, in fact, she didn't WANT her name to get out there. Because if it did...
She sighed, knowing that THEY would see it. And if THEY would see it, then HE would too. A glare came over her face as she slid the shoes into the little mini-locker.
"I'm serious! We established this club one full year ago and still haven't gotten a case!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And Maria continues to sizzle...
"I mean, there WAS that one case we solved when we were little but we just HAD to say the K.O'ed sleeping counsler did it!" Ayumi and Kyo gave eachother a look that said 'shut her up already, please!' as they walked side-by-side.
"Maria, we get it! You really really want to solve a case!"
She huffed and turned away. "Yes, yes I do!" Ayumi gave Kyo a look that said 'I tried'. He only nodded and narrowed his eyes at the hallway.
"Hasn't Ayumi solved a case before? Wasn't she like, a Detective Boy at one point in time?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And yet she STILL pestered on after school!
Ayumi shifted towards her. "Yes! USED! USED TO! USED!" Kyo shifted his head in his hand as he leaned against the window, watching the wide-screen HD TV Maria had ordered to 'freshen up the room'. (A/N: Aww, man! How awesome would that be? XD) "Well, they're famous now! That means you had to have been a LITTLE bit talented at solving cases! Which means that we should be SWAMPED with crimes that need private eyes by now!" Ayumi's face turned beat red and she sharply turned to the pot to make tea. "That was six years ago. We're in the eighth grade. Back then I was in the first."
Maria huffed angrily and sat down in her chair with a loud THUD, signaling she slammed her butt down. "Still! They should at LEAST remember the cute little girl that was in the club, too!" Ayumi shook her head as she poured the white vanilla and cinnamon flavored tea into the mini-cups. Why would they? As it is, they already forgot about the little boy in the blue coat who LEAD or team... Six years ago, the Black Orginization had been destroyed. Therefor, Conan had let out that he was Shinichi, finding an antitdote soon after. Soon after that, Ayumi had moved away, further down south. Ayumi looked down at her pocket and pulled out a small little badge. It was her Detective Boy badge. The entire thing was a little rusty, and the colors had become a little darker since then. She stared at it, sorrow sweeping it's merry way all throughout her veins. She slipped it back into her pocket and set the cups onto the tray. "Here, guys." She served her friends their little porcelain teacups and set the tray down, taking her own and sipping it.
"Ayumi-chan? Why is it that everytime we bring up the Detective Boys you always try to change the subject?" A crack came on the handle to Ayumi's cup and she twitched her eyebrow, trying not to break. "Isn't it obvious?" The two turned towards Kyo, who had turned the TV off and was staring out the window, contently watching two birds play. He resembled Conan/Shinichi, Ayumi had taken into mind when she first met him. "Something bad happened and she doesn't like talking about it." His bored expression clung like hijackers to his face. Maria instantly slammed down her cup. "WHAT? AYUMI-CHAN! WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Careful, Maria! That's expensive!"
"I don't care! I'm flithy rich! I'll replace them! WHAT HAPPENED?"
"What do you mean what happened?"
"WHAT HAPPENED? AS IN WHAT HAPPENED IN THE DETECTIVE BOYS THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT?"
"SHUT UP!"
Instantly, their attention adveted to Kyo again, who timidly turned to them with a small smile on his face. "She'll tell us when she's ready to, Maria. Patience." The french girl huffed and took a seat, mumbling something about him being a 'know it all' or 'he'll ask her later'. Ayumi, though, gave him her own soft smile. He may have looked like Conan, but truth be told Kyo understood her a lot better than he or anybody else did. "Screw you guys, I'm taking out my labtop."
"Checking your Gmail?"
"Opposit of no."
Ayumi and Kyo both groaned at her 'The Clique' refrence. Maria was quite the fan of Lisi Harrison. The two of them turned to eachother, having a mental discussion.
Should we burn all of her books?~Ayumi
No, then she'll try to banish us from 'The Pretty Commitee.'~Kyo
HAHAHAHAHAHA!~Ayumi
Nah, just let her have her fun. This is her monthly obsession. She'll get over 'lip-kissing' and 'sand-me-downs' soon enough.~Kyo
"EHMAGAWD!" The sudden abrupt screech made both detectives fall out of their chairs.
"What?"
"WE TOE-TA-LLY GOT OUR FIRST CASE!"
In a few split seconds, both Ayumi and Kyo were behind the rich blonde as her face lit up like a christmas tree. "A murder on Second Corner, Mallberry Street! One stab-wound to the chest! POLICE STUMPED!" Had this been any other situation, the three of them would have looked like they were the murders or highly disrespectful. However, it wasn't a diffrent case, and they had a very good reason to be excited over somebody's death. "WOO HOO! WE'RE WORKING OUR WAY UP!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"The murderer is you, Suzuka!" A raven-haired woman gasped as Ayumi pointed the finger towards her. Kyo and Maria stood behind her with looks of accomplishment on their faces. It had been a full year sense their first case. They had offically solved One-hundred murders, this being their one-hundred-first. "Wh-What?"
"You stuck your gum on the window, framing your sister, who had been chewing gum earlier. You then came in through the door, which you knew was really unlocked, knowing it would throw us off track concidering you told us he LOCKED his door when you were giving us the tour. You shot him in the neck with a poison dart, then stabbed him in the back with Cartmen's pocket knife, hoping that we might charge him with the crime, or charge the both of them. That's why he couldn't find his knife earlier when we were cooking and the knives were dirty. You took a bath in his shower, supposedly covering your alibi of bathing, and locked the door before closing it on your way out."
"That's only speculation!"
Ayumi smirked and turned to her friends. "Search her pockets."
They nodded and started to cautiously walk towards her. "N-No! Y-You've got it all wrong! I-I didn't...AH!" Taking the sword out of the staue-knight's hand, she charged towards Ayumi, swinging the weapon maniacally. Ayumi simply gave her an upper-cut, then she kicked her in the stomach, forcing Suzuka to let go of the sword. As the woman landed on the floor, Ayumi caught the flailing sword. The murderer sat up, only to come face-to-face with her own weapon of choice. Ayumi stood there, hovering above her. "Aun guard'." A sly smile spread over her face as Suzuka fainted.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Ayumi-chan? What was her motive?"
"Simple. He was winning the divorce. She didn't want him to win all of her cash so she killed him."
"What about framing her sister and Cartmen?" Kyo asked, as curious as Maria was. "Well, her sister and Cartmen were both supporting HIM on the side of the divorce, and she wanted to take them down too."
Just then, the police walked by, Suzuka in their grasps. "I've got to hand it to you. You're an amazingly smart detective. Maybe even good enough to be professional. You should get a part-time job as the police department. Or a job." Smiling, Ayumi watched the raven-haired woman glare at her. She wasn't being sarcastic, but she was very upset with what she was saying. Ayumi shook her head. "Crime-solving isn't a job to me. It's a hobby." Suzuka scoffed as the two guards took her away. "You've done it again, oh great Detective of the South." Ayumi laughed at her friends' little nickname for her. However, it was truly something she was called all over Japan. "All of this crime-solving has made me hungry. I want Denny's."
"There aren't any Denny's here, Maria. This is Japan."
"I want IHop!"
"Once again, no IHops."
"CHILIES!"
"STOP IT!"
As her two friends resumed arguing, Ayumi took out a tiny pendent, smiling down at it. "I wonder how you all are now." She whispered gently staring at the new, freshly coated Detective Boy badge.
Or, that was her new-found dream anyway...
"Yoshida-san! WATCH OUT! SOCCER BALL COMIN' YOUR WAY!"
Jumping up high, a slender teenage girl slammed her ankle hard into the mixed-matched ball, kicking it directly into the goal...and breaking it.
And when I say it, I mean both the soccer ball AND goal.
"Woo hoo! New record!" The same goalie called out. There were whistles coming from all around as she landed gracefully and perfectly onto the warm dirt beneath her. The young girl stood up and smiled towards the millions of people clapping and cheering for her. Turning to the soccer team, she said: "Sorry for the goal net...and the ball. I'll pay for the replacements." She bowed sweetly and smiled gently, not realizing she was only succeding in seducing them. A chours of "No problem's" and "Don't even worry about it's" came from the teenage boys as they silently skimmed over her model-like body. Nodding, she continued her walk. The people cleared the entire path to the school for her, cheering and whistling the entire time. It was like she was some type of wonderful princess or queen and her subjects couldn't get enough of her!
The thought made her smile as she walked elegently down the dirt road ahead of her. "Ayumi-chan!" Looking up, she smiled when she saw both a boy and a girl. "Kyo, Maria! Hey!" The two greeted her as well as the trio walked into the school. It was conciderably quiter than outside had been, since everybody inside knew that loud noise-making this early in the morning would over-anger the already untolerating school principal. Maria, who resembled Sonoko an awful lot, Ayumi noticed, sighed as she un-laced her shoes. "I can't believe how long we've had this detective club going on and we still haven't had one case!" Kyo sighed. "Oh just drop it, Maria. We'll get a case when we get a case. It's not a race."
"That rhymed!" Ayumi giggled, slipping her shoe off. Maria scoffed and turned away. "I know I know I just...I really want to get our name out there!" Ayumi sighed. That was Maria, always worrying about her popularity and her friend's social status. To be honest, Ayumi didn't really care whether they got a case or not, in fact, she didn't WANT her name to get out there. Because if it did...
She sighed, knowing that THEY would see it. And if THEY would see it, then HE would too. A glare came over her face as she slid the shoes into the little mini-locker.
"I'm serious! We established this club one full year ago and still haven't gotten a case!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And Maria continues to sizzle...
"I mean, there WAS that one case we solved when we were little but we just HAD to say the K.O'ed sleeping counsler did it!" Ayumi and Kyo gave eachother a look that said 'shut her up already, please!' as they walked side-by-side.
"Maria, we get it! You really really want to solve a case!"
She huffed and turned away. "Yes, yes I do!" Ayumi gave Kyo a look that said 'I tried'. He only nodded and narrowed his eyes at the hallway.
"Hasn't Ayumi solved a case before? Wasn't she like, a Detective Boy at one point in time?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And yet she STILL pestered on after school!
Ayumi shifted towards her. "Yes! USED! USED TO! USED!" Kyo shifted his head in his hand as he leaned against the window, watching the wide-screen HD TV Maria had ordered to 'freshen up the room'. (A/N: Aww, man! How awesome would that be? XD) "Well, they're famous now! That means you had to have been a LITTLE bit talented at solving cases! Which means that we should be SWAMPED with crimes that need private eyes by now!" Ayumi's face turned beat red and she sharply turned to the pot to make tea. "That was six years ago. We're in the eighth grade. Back then I was in the first."
Maria huffed angrily and sat down in her chair with a loud THUD, signaling she slammed her butt down. "Still! They should at LEAST remember the cute little girl that was in the club, too!" Ayumi shook her head as she poured the white vanilla and cinnamon flavored tea into the mini-cups. Why would they? As it is, they already forgot about the little boy in the blue coat who LEAD or team... Six years ago, the Black Orginization had been destroyed. Therefor, Conan had let out that he was Shinichi, finding an antitdote soon after. Soon after that, Ayumi had moved away, further down south. Ayumi looked down at her pocket and pulled out a small little badge. It was her Detective Boy badge. The entire thing was a little rusty, and the colors had become a little darker since then. She stared at it, sorrow sweeping it's merry way all throughout her veins. She slipped it back into her pocket and set the cups onto the tray. "Here, guys." She served her friends their little porcelain teacups and set the tray down, taking her own and sipping it.
"Ayumi-chan? Why is it that everytime we bring up the Detective Boys you always try to change the subject?" A crack came on the handle to Ayumi's cup and she twitched her eyebrow, trying not to break. "Isn't it obvious?" The two turned towards Kyo, who had turned the TV off and was staring out the window, contently watching two birds play. He resembled Conan/Shinichi, Ayumi had taken into mind when she first met him. "Something bad happened and she doesn't like talking about it." His bored expression clung like hijackers to his face. Maria instantly slammed down her cup. "WHAT? AYUMI-CHAN! WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Careful, Maria! That's expensive!"
"I don't care! I'm flithy rich! I'll replace them! WHAT HAPPENED?"
"What do you mean what happened?"
"WHAT HAPPENED? AS IN WHAT HAPPENED IN THE DETECTIVE BOYS THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT?"
"SHUT UP!"
Instantly, their attention adveted to Kyo again, who timidly turned to them with a small smile on his face. "She'll tell us when she's ready to, Maria. Patience." The french girl huffed and took a seat, mumbling something about him being a 'know it all' or 'he'll ask her later'. Ayumi, though, gave him her own soft smile. He may have looked like Conan, but truth be told Kyo understood her a lot better than he or anybody else did. "Screw you guys, I'm taking out my labtop."
"Checking your Gmail?"
"Opposit of no."
Ayumi and Kyo both groaned at her 'The Clique' refrence. Maria was quite the fan of Lisi Harrison. The two of them turned to eachother, having a mental discussion.
Should we burn all of her books?~Ayumi
No, then she'll try to banish us from 'The Pretty Commitee.'~Kyo
HAHAHAHAHAHA!~Ayumi
Nah, just let her have her fun. This is her monthly obsession. She'll get over 'lip-kissing' and 'sand-me-downs' soon enough.~Kyo
"EHMAGAWD!" The sudden abrupt screech made both detectives fall out of their chairs.
"What?"
"WE TOE-TA-LLY GOT OUR FIRST CASE!"
In a few split seconds, both Ayumi and Kyo were behind the rich blonde as her face lit up like a christmas tree. "A murder on Second Corner, Mallberry Street! One stab-wound to the chest! POLICE STUMPED!" Had this been any other situation, the three of them would have looked like they were the murders or highly disrespectful. However, it wasn't a diffrent case, and they had a very good reason to be excited over somebody's death. "WOO HOO! WE'RE WORKING OUR WAY UP!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"The murderer is you, Suzuka!" A raven-haired woman gasped as Ayumi pointed the finger towards her. Kyo and Maria stood behind her with looks of accomplishment on their faces. It had been a full year sense their first case. They had offically solved One-hundred murders, this being their one-hundred-first. "Wh-What?"
"You stuck your gum on the window, framing your sister, who had been chewing gum earlier. You then came in through the door, which you knew was really unlocked, knowing it would throw us off track concidering you told us he LOCKED his door when you were giving us the tour. You shot him in the neck with a poison dart, then stabbed him in the back with Cartmen's pocket knife, hoping that we might charge him with the crime, or charge the both of them. That's why he couldn't find his knife earlier when we were cooking and the knives were dirty. You took a bath in his shower, supposedly covering your alibi of bathing, and locked the door before closing it on your way out."
"That's only speculation!"
Ayumi smirked and turned to her friends. "Search her pockets."
They nodded and started to cautiously walk towards her. "N-No! Y-You've got it all wrong! I-I didn't...AH!" Taking the sword out of the staue-knight's hand, she charged towards Ayumi, swinging the weapon maniacally. Ayumi simply gave her an upper-cut, then she kicked her in the stomach, forcing Suzuka to let go of the sword. As the woman landed on the floor, Ayumi caught the flailing sword. The murderer sat up, only to come face-to-face with her own weapon of choice. Ayumi stood there, hovering above her. "Aun guard'." A sly smile spread over her face as Suzuka fainted.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Ayumi-chan? What was her motive?"
"Simple. He was winning the divorce. She didn't want him to win all of her cash so she killed him."
"What about framing her sister and Cartmen?" Kyo asked, as curious as Maria was. "Well, her sister and Cartmen were both supporting HIM on the side of the divorce, and she wanted to take them down too."
Just then, the police walked by, Suzuka in their grasps. "I've got to hand it to you. You're an amazingly smart detective. Maybe even good enough to be professional. You should get a part-time job as the police department. Or a job." Smiling, Ayumi watched the raven-haired woman glare at her. She wasn't being sarcastic, but she was very upset with what she was saying. Ayumi shook her head. "Crime-solving isn't a job to me. It's a hobby." Suzuka scoffed as the two guards took her away. "You've done it again, oh great Detective of the South." Ayumi laughed at her friends' little nickname for her. However, it was truly something she was called all over Japan. "All of this crime-solving has made me hungry. I want Denny's."
"There aren't any Denny's here, Maria. This is Japan."
"I want IHop!"
"Once again, no IHops."
"CHILIES!"
"STOP IT!"
As her two friends resumed arguing, Ayumi took out a tiny pendent, smiling down at it. "I wonder how you all are now." She whispered gently staring at the new, freshly coated Detective Boy badge.
Please leave feedback! I'd really like to know how it fairs among DCTP now that I'm around people who know a little more about story-lines and characters than in FF.Net! XD
