We'll seeccppfan wrote: Oooooh I can't wait till u continue!!!! >w<
Don't make him die, please?
The Tale of the Four Leaf Clovers
- bluekaitou1412
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Posts: 5389
Re: Four Leaf Clovers (previously: AoKaitou's DC Fanfic)
- akai-kun
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Posts: 1073
Re: Four Leaf Clovers (previously: AoKaitou's DC Fanfic)
EPIC!!!!!!!!!!bluekaitou1412 wrote:We'll seeccppfan wrote: Oooooh I can't wait till u continue!!!! >w<
Don't make him die, please?![]()
He's named Cool Kid and they named me the agent who feared them most...: Shuichi Akai !
-----------------------------
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Holmes
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Posts: 1291
Re: Four Leaf Clovers (previously: AoKaitou's DC Fanfic)
MYSTERIOUS! SUSPENSE ...akai-kun wrote:EPIC!!!!!!!!!!bluekaitou1412 wrote:We'll seeccppfan wrote: Oooooh I can't wait till u continue!!!! >w<
Don't make him die, please?![]()
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![]()
![]()
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-
ccppfan
- I'm bluek's pet cat <3
Posts: 1165
Re: Four Leaf Clovers (previously: AoKaitou's DC Fanfic)
Aww...bluekaitou1412 wrote:We'll seeccppfan wrote: Oooooh I can't wait till u continue!!!! >w<
Don't make him die, please?![]()
But I just know he won't die.
You're his fan.
- bluekaitou1412
- Community Phantom
- Indie artist. Likes books and all things Haibara.
Posts: 5389
Re: Four Leaf Clovers (previously: AoKaitou's DC Fanfic)
And I'm also an Aoko fanccppfan wrote:Aww...bluekaitou1412 wrote:We'll seeccppfan wrote: Oooooh I can't wait till u continue!!!! >w<
Don't make him die, please?![]()
But I just know he won't die.
You're his fan.![]()
- bluekaitou1412
- Community Phantom
- Indie artist. Likes books and all things Haibara.
Posts: 5389
Re: Four Leaf Clovers (previously: AoKaitou's DC Fanfic)
Chapter 23
Sweating heavily and out of ideas, Kaito twitched at the thought of him that is about to be killed.
And then Heiji appeared between the two.
Out of nowhere.
"Wow-- Hattori, when did you learn how to be a ninja?"
Heiji smirked at him.
"I see you still has your sense of humor."
He turned to the enemy.
"Perhaps, you would prefer dueling an equal?"
"I would, But I'll have to make do with you."
The phantom-- a masked man-- is evidently intimidated.
Heiji is smiling.
Kaito let out a sigh of relief as the phantom moved away his sword.
"I'll deal with you later."
The kendo practitioner swiftly grabbed Kaito's rusty sword.
"My turn, Kuroba."
Their swords clashed so sharply that sparks flew.
Kaito can only watch the two of them duel, matching each other parry for parry, stroke for stroke.
He knew that Heiji can handle this kind of fight but he didn't think that he was this good.
In fact, he's too good.
And another thought circled his mind. It bothered him.
He remembered Heiji chasing after Conan and Ai's captors.
But now he's here. As long as he's concerned, it is weird for him to be here.
And on a very convenient time, at that.
The phantom is a powerful sword fighter-- quick with his blade, strong with his strokes.
He is clearly well-trained in the art of sword-handling.
But-- to his amazement-- Heiji was even better.
He can parry every blow and predict all of the phantom's movements.
The sounds of metal drew his full attention.
The phantom suddenly surprised Heiji by surging forward and slashing his sword down hard.
Heiji almost got himself out of the way, so he survived the blow-- but it cut deeply into his arm.
He grimaced in pain. His sword fell from his hand.
Moving fast and seeing an opening, Kaito grabbed a heavy wooden plank.
He swung it hard to the phantom's face.
The phantom staggered back three steps, then fell, stunned, to the floor.
"That was easy."
The two of them is grinning like mad.
Kaito's mood changed, however.
"Now, as I'm grateful to you for saving me, will you please reveal who you really are now?"
"Because as far as I know, my dear friend Hattori cannot come to my aid at this time."
He looked at him straight into the eye.
"Very good. As expected from the KID... and..."
"As expected from my son."
Sweating heavily and out of ideas, Kaito twitched at the thought of him that is about to be killed.
And then Heiji appeared between the two.
Out of nowhere.
"Wow-- Hattori, when did you learn how to be a ninja?"
Heiji smirked at him.
"I see you still has your sense of humor."
He turned to the enemy.
"Perhaps, you would prefer dueling an equal?"
"I would, But I'll have to make do with you."
The phantom-- a masked man-- is evidently intimidated.
Heiji is smiling.
Kaito let out a sigh of relief as the phantom moved away his sword.
"I'll deal with you later."
The kendo practitioner swiftly grabbed Kaito's rusty sword.
"My turn, Kuroba."
Their swords clashed so sharply that sparks flew.
Kaito can only watch the two of them duel, matching each other parry for parry, stroke for stroke.
He knew that Heiji can handle this kind of fight but he didn't think that he was this good.
In fact, he's too good.
And another thought circled his mind. It bothered him.
He remembered Heiji chasing after Conan and Ai's captors.
But now he's here. As long as he's concerned, it is weird for him to be here.
And on a very convenient time, at that.
The phantom is a powerful sword fighter-- quick with his blade, strong with his strokes.
He is clearly well-trained in the art of sword-handling.
But-- to his amazement-- Heiji was even better.
He can parry every blow and predict all of the phantom's movements.
The sounds of metal drew his full attention.
The phantom suddenly surprised Heiji by surging forward and slashing his sword down hard.
Heiji almost got himself out of the way, so he survived the blow-- but it cut deeply into his arm.
He grimaced in pain. His sword fell from his hand.
Moving fast and seeing an opening, Kaito grabbed a heavy wooden plank.
He swung it hard to the phantom's face.
The phantom staggered back three steps, then fell, stunned, to the floor.
"That was easy."
The two of them is grinning like mad.
Kaito's mood changed, however.
"Now, as I'm grateful to you for saving me, will you please reveal who you really are now?"
"Because as far as I know, my dear friend Hattori cannot come to my aid at this time."
He looked at him straight into the eye.
"Very good. As expected from the KID... and..."
"As expected from my son."
Last edited by bluekaitou1412 on September 8th, 2009, 1:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
- akai-kun
- Community Hero
- http://www.fanfiction.net/~ffbyakaikun
Posts: 1073
Re: Four Leaf Clovers (previously: AoKaitou's DC Fanfic)
"Luke Kaito, I'm YOUR father!"
OMG!!

Awesome, thx.
And your idea of Hattori being Kaito's father is great!
AWESOME!!
OMG!!
Awesome, thx.
And your idea of Hattori being Kaito's father is great!
AWESOME!!
Spoiler:
Last edited by akai-kun on September 8th, 2009, 7:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
He's named Cool Kid and they named me the agent who feared them most...: Shuichi Akai !
-----------------------------
PLEASE READ:
ShinRan36's DC Photoshop Works
My Fanfictions
The Oceanus Mystery
Four Leaf Clovers
+ fanfictions of WBoon / ccppfan
-----------------------------
PLEASE READ:
ShinRan36's DC Photoshop Works
My Fanfictions
The Oceanus Mystery
Four Leaf Clovers
+ fanfictions of WBoon / ccppfan
-
Holmes
- Erabareshi Kodomotachi
Posts: 1291
Re: Four Leaf Clovers (previously: AoKaitou's DC Fanfic)
Hey akai-kun, no offense, but if I understood the chapter well, Hattori is supposed to be Kaito´s father, the color of the speech shows it well. I can be wrong, though.
and bk1412:
I´M YOUR FATHER AND YOU SHOULD BE DOING YOUR HOMEWORK! just kkiding ....
but the truth is:
INCREDIBLE, AMAZING, AWESOME, WONDERFUL, PERFECT, ETC. you know what I mean ...
and bk1412:
I´M YOUR FATHER AND YOU SHOULD BE DOING YOUR HOMEWORK! just kkiding ....
but the truth is:
INCREDIBLE, AMAZING, AWESOME, WONDERFUL, PERFECT, ETC. you know what I mean ...
- bluekaitou1412
- Community Phantom
- Indie artist. Likes books and all things Haibara.
Posts: 5389
Re: Four Leaf Clovers (previously: AoKaitou's DC Fanfic)
@akai-kun
I fixed it, thanks for the correction

And oh, you should really read it again, coz what's Holmes saying is right... disguised Heiji=Kaito's father.
The phantom is another unknown character (not for long, though).
Anyways, thanks you two.
I fixed it, thanks for the correction
And oh, you should really read it again, coz what's Holmes saying is right... disguised Heiji=Kaito's father.
The phantom is another unknown character (not for long, though).
Anyways, thanks you two.
- akai-kun
- Community Hero
- http://www.fanfiction.net/~ffbyakaikun
Posts: 1073
Re: Four Leaf Clovers (previously: AoKaitou's DC Fanfic)
I read the chapter again... 
Well, see the sentence now...
But I understood your chapter only as the thing 'phantom = kid's father', so I wrote it that way...
But anyway, great confusing? thing!
Well, see the sentence now...
But I understood your chapter only as the thing 'phantom = kid's father', so I wrote it that way...
But anyway, great confusing? thing!
He's named Cool Kid and they named me the agent who feared them most...: Shuichi Akai !
-----------------------------
PLEASE READ:
ShinRan36's DC Photoshop Works
My Fanfictions
The Oceanus Mystery
Four Leaf Clovers
+ fanfictions of WBoon / ccppfan
-----------------------------
PLEASE READ:
ShinRan36's DC Photoshop Works
My Fanfictions
The Oceanus Mystery
Four Leaf Clovers
+ fanfictions of WBoon / ccppfan
-
sstimson
- Everyone a Critic
Posts: 2588- Contact:
Re: Four Leaf Clovers (previously: AoKaitou's DC Fanfic)
With apologies before hand. I saw this piece and the critic in me RUSHED out
More later if you would like. I see several similar errors. As in not combining your short fragment sentences and, small grammar and spelling mistakesbluekaitou1412 wrote: Chapter 23
Sweating heavily and out of ideas, Kaito twitched at the thought of him that is about to be killed.
Sweating heavily and running out of ideas, Kaito twitched at the thought of him about to be killed.
WHY - I believe he is not quite out of ideas and the other that is what some might call bad English)
And then Heiji appeared between the two.
Out of nowhere.
And then from out of nowhere, Heiji appeared between the two.
WHY - Out of nowhere by it self is a fragment but fits nice in that location
"Wow-- Hattori, when did you learn how to be a ninja?"( this one already has a suggestion)
Heiji smirked at him.
"I see you still has your sense of humor."
Heiji smirked at him and said"I see you still have your sense of humor."
WHY - these two short sentences seem to be better together and likely a misspelling
He turned to the enemy.
"Perhaps, you would prefer dueling an equal?"
"I would, But I'll have to make do with you."
The phantom-- a masked man-- is evidently intimidated.
Heiji is smiling.
Kaito let out a sigh of relief as the phantom moved away his sword.
"I'll deal with you later."
The kendo practitioner swiftly grabbed Kaito's rusty sword.
"My turn, Kuroba."
Their swords clashed so sharply that sparks flew.
Kaito can only watch the two of them duel, matching each other parry for parry, stroke for stroke.
He knew that Heiji can handle this kind of fight but he didn't think that he was this good.
In fact, he's too good.
And another thought circled his mind. It bothered him.
He remembered Heiji chasing after Conan and Ai's captors.
But now he's here. As long as he's concerned, it is weird for him to be here.
And on a very convenient time, at that.
The phantom is a powerful sword fighter-- quick with his blade, strong with his strokes.
He is clearly well-trained in the art of sword-handling.
But-- to his amazement-- Heiji was even better.
He can parry every blow and predict all of the phantom's movements.
The sounds of metal drew his full attention.
The phantom suddenly surprised Heiji by surging forward and slashing his sword down hard.
Heiji almost got himself out of the way, so he survived the blow-- but it cut deeply into his arm.
He grimaced in pain. His sword fell from his hand.
Moving fast and seeing an opening, Kaito grabbed a heavy wooden plank.
He swung it hard to the phantom's face.
The phantom staggered back three steps, then fell, stunned, to the floor.
"That was easy."
The two of them is grinning like mad.
Kaito's mood changed, however.
"Now, as I'm grateful to you for saving me, will you please reveal who you really are now?"
"Because as far as I know, my dear friend Hattori cannot come to my aid at this time."
He looked at him straight into the eye.
"Very good. As expected from the KID... and..."
"As expected from my son."
Later
Invisible Member
Invisible Member
Spoiler: SS Present from PT
- bluekaitou1412
- Community Phantom
- Indie artist. Likes books and all things Haibara.
Posts: 5389
Re: Four Leaf Clovers (previously: AoKaitou's DC Fanfic)
@sstimson
Thanks for the corrections... I could always use a constructive criticism, and I can learn from my mistakes
Thanks for the corrections... I could always use a constructive criticism, and I can learn from my mistakes
Spoiler:
-
ccppfan
- I'm bluek's pet cat <3
Posts: 1165
Re: Four Leaf Clovers (previously: AoKaitou's DC Fanfic)
LOL @ how Heiji became a ninja XDD
LE GASP!!! @ disguised Heiji being Kaito's father!!!!!

GREAT!!! ^^
LE GASP!!! @ disguised Heiji being Kaito's father!!!!!
GREAT!!! ^^
- bluekaitou1412
- Community Phantom
- Indie artist. Likes books and all things Haibara.
Posts: 5389
Re: Four Leaf Clovers (previously: AoKaitou's DC Fanfic)
I want to apologize to all the readers of this fanfic...
I won't be posting the next chapters for a long time because of never-ending school matters...
I hope all of you can understand
I won't be posting the next chapters for a long time because of never-ending school matters...
I hope all of you can understand
Last edited by bluekaitou1412 on September 15th, 2009, 9:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
- akai-kun
- Community Hero
- http://www.fanfiction.net/~ffbyakaikun
Posts: 1073
Re: Four Leaf Clovers (previously: AoKaitou's DC Fanfic)
That is something I can completely understand...bluekaitou1412 wrote: I want to apologize to all the readers of this fanfic...
I won't be posting the next chapters for a long time because of school matters...
I hope all of you can understand![]()
No problem IF you're posting them sometime.
He's named Cool Kid and they named me the agent who feared them most...: Shuichi Akai !
-----------------------------
PLEASE READ:
ShinRan36's DC Photoshop Works
My Fanfictions
The Oceanus Mystery
Four Leaf Clovers
+ fanfictions of WBoon / ccppfan
-----------------------------
PLEASE READ:
ShinRan36's DC Photoshop Works
My Fanfictions
The Oceanus Mystery
Four Leaf Clovers
+ fanfictions of WBoon / ccppfan


