They brought the BERSERKER STAFF within reach of MELINDA MAY. I haven't seen a villain fail that badly since Loki tried to intimidate the Hulk. I want that thing to be May's signature weapon. She's all about controlling and channelling her feelings, after all.
Also, kinda shipping Trip and Coulson a little bit. Those two keep flirting over vintage SHIELD spycraft.
I cried kind of a lot when FitzSimmons were discussing death and arguing about who was going to take the oxygen. FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITZ BBY NO T_T
But then I genuinely shrieked when NICK MOTHERFUGGING FURY appeared to save them. YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
The May/Ward battle was also truly glorious. I will never get tired of seeing May beat up Ward. I may have yelled "FINISH HIM" when she went after him with the power saw. I am also 200% not surprised that Ward was never on top. And the bit with the nail gun? Utterly brutal, but I loved it. I am not here for Ward redemption and I'm glad they're not going that way. That asshole may have been badly led, but he still had the agency to make his own choices, unlike Mike or Bucky, and he chose to be a goddamn Nazi and to try to kill the only people who ever gave him a shot and to be REALLY SUPER SEXIST once he was out as a Nazi. I am so down for the whole lifetime of torture thing they were discussing for him. Let May use him as a punching bag every week or so. And tell Natasha that he called her "eye candy" and let her join in.
I screamed again when Fury turned up to save Coulson. And gave him THE DESTROYER GUN. "I know what it does." YES YOU DO. BEAUTIFUL. Also, Coulson and Fury are my new favourite BroTP. I especially loved them riffing on Garett's crazy speech. "You didn't tell me he'd gone this crazy." "He ramped it up a notch." Fury and Coulson's relationship in general in this episode is just so fantastic. Can we talk about this bit?
"It was a 'break glass in case of emergency' kinda situation."
"That emergency was meant to be the fall of an Avenger!"
"Exactly."
COULSON'S FACE WHEN HE REALIZES THAT FURY CONSIDERS HIM AN AVENGER. Does he know that Tony counted him into the Avengers too, when he was counting off the people that Loki pissed off? And I saw the greatest comment on tumblr about the "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Thor's Hammer" short, where people were discussing if Coulson was pretending that he was Captain America while fighting the criminals: "Coulson is a man who's spent so long pretending to be his hero that he hasn't realized that he's become everyone else's hero in his own right." Fury trusted him enough to put him in charge of rebuilding SHIELD. Protip, Coulson: don't take on any Nazi scientists. Just don't.
Also, can I get a HELL YEAH for Mike FINALLY being free? And the first thing he got to do was shoot Garett in the face and then STOMP him. It was everything I wanted for him. I really wish he'd joined the team, but my other fondest hope is that while he's wandering around seeking redemption (WHICH YOU DON'T NEED, MIKE, NONE OF IT WAS YOUR FAULT) he ends up meeting Bucky and forming a badass former-manipulated-Hydra-cyborg-assassin duo of REVENGE. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't want to see them tearing through Hydra bases together. And getting coffee and PTSD counselling from Sam together. Literally everybody needs to sit down with Sam Wilson at some point.
Although, correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't there a shot of army people or whoever was doing the cleanup boxing up and taking away Garett's body? How was he still there to get all Deathlok'd up? Not that I have any problem whatsoever with Coulson disintegrating him. I'm just glad they aren't making him a recurring supervillain or anything. I am 250% done looking at that crazy asshole's face.
Only thing I'm still really upset about right now? WHAT HAPPENED TO FITZ? Fury said that HIS BRAIN WAS WITHOUT OXYGEN FOR A LONG TIME. Coulson said that he'd NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. Simmons said HE'S ALIVE. What exactly has happened to him?! It sounds a lot like brain damage. It sounds a lot like REALLY BAD BRAIN DAMAGE. Somebody tell me Fitz is gonna be okay. Somebody tell me that he and Simmons can continue to putter around being adorable and sciency. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT STATE HE IS IN. FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITZ
Also, am I the only one wondering if that alien that Coulson saw in Project Tahiti was a Jotun? It wouldn't be out of this world for Skye to be a Jotun baby that glamoured itself as a human one... wouldn't be the first time a Jotun baby put on a glamour to look like the species that was holding it, after all... also, I can't quite tell if the father/mother that Raina was talking to at the end looked like they were missing some skin of their own, or if all the red and drippy belonged to other people. Either way, I'm looking forward to finding out in season 2.
Also, for a split second I thought that Eric Koenig was still alive. Let's face it, who actually stays dead in the MCU? Ever? BRING BACK VICTORIA HAND.